Listening Through the Lens of A Camera

Watercolor Art Credit: Alanna W. McNeill

When you look at the image of the eye above, what do you see? What is it we see when we look closely? How do we hear? How do we hear when we listen closely? In our world of varying perspectives, and a cacophony of messages, how do we listen closely with our whole heart? How do we listen to our own hearts? How do we listen to the heart and soul of others? 

How do we listen more carefully? Is it when we slow down? When we pay attention to how we listen to ourselves, to others, to the Divine, to nature? How do we listen for what we are saying to ourselves? How do we listen for the tone of voice we are using when we talk with ourselves and with others? What is our heart and soul and body trying to tell us? How do we listen to what others are saying? What does the pace of nature try to communicate? What might my body be trying to tell me? Listening in a way that we can feel and see and hear and understand is such a gift!

Photo Credit: Dianne Morris Jones

What does if feel like to exquisitely listen? Is it anxious? Is it fearful? Is it life-giving? 

 I am a dedicated student of listening. I can’t even put a number on the hours I’ve devoted to workshops, books, TED talks, conversations, and time spent journaling on the topic of listening. I say that with feelings of vulnerability, as you might recall a conversation we’ve had in which I didn’t listen well, rushed through, or offered an empathy buster instead of golden words. I am certainly an imperfect listener, which is why I’ll remain a dedicated student. Listening is a daily practice, a strong intention—not a mastery of skill. Deep listening is an art—an art of practice, compassion, and grace. My desire is to create space with others where we could share our deepest longings, biggest dreams, most ordinary AND extraordinary moments. My desire is that my encounters with God would be active and intimate and I would be present and listen. My desire when I am trying to listen to my inner soul is that I would be still to listen.

The invitation to listening can come in so many various envelopes… contemplative listening, reflective listening, heart listening, listening in groups, listening in conversations, listening on Zoom, listening on a nature walk, listening to our body.

Can we cultivate the eyes and the ears of our hearts so that we can become students of listening? As we put our ears close to our heart, can we welcome the wisdom of our soul?

“When we talk to each other about our fears and dreams, we open up the space for hope. When we learn how to listen to ideas that conflict with our own without becoming defensive, our hearts begin to open and we start to see each other as a part of one human family. We connect at a deep level. When we practice the sacred art of listening, we also learn the art of conversation. It is this type of conversation that can transform our world.” – Kay Lindahl

Photo credit: Dianne Morris Jones

One way that I can slow myself down and really listen is to get behind the lens of my camera and practice contemplative photography. Contemplative photography is the practice of embracing a moment through the lens of a camera as we are reflecting, thinking, wondering, and celebrating in our hearts. As so many of us have a camera with our phones, the idea of contemplative photography is open to all. For me, the intention of taking my camera and setting apart a time to focus in on the moment, ordinary or extraordinary, is a way to cross the threshold into a deeper, richer, more meaningful space of listening in my mind, my heart, and my soul. 

 For the month of March, I invite you to join me on reflecting on the concept of listening through the eyes of your camera lens. Tip: 

 L – I - S – T – E – N

and

S – I – L – E – N – T

 

use the same letters in the alphabet. Hmmm….

Roger has penned a beautiful poem to share with you: 

Listening

 Some things, my friend, are difficult–

 Divining the truth, 

Showing your hand,

Seeing a blind spot,

Taking a stand.

 

Truly, most difficult it is to listen–

 

Paying attention, 

Listening for your voice, 

Stilling my heart,

Being present my choice.

 

While my inside critic cries out–

 

It’s blaming others, 

and shaming me,

Making harsh comments,

So hard to flee.

 

Yet will I strive–

 

To give you audience

to devote my mind

to tune out noise

your soul to find.

~ Roger Jones

I look forward to this journey of Listening with you. You are invited to follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram for daily posts about Listening Through the Eyes of Contemplative Photography. The daily posts will reflect photos that I have taken in a contemplative moment, an ordinary moment that turns extraordinary because I am slowing down to pay attention and listen, slowing down to listen and see. If you are not on social media, you can download a free PDF by clicking the button below so that you can join in on reflecting daily how you might connect with others. You might consider forwarding it to a friend. Sara, my associate, has created a beautiful work of art with the PDF. Maybe you could print it and mail it to an elderly friend? Maybe you could send it to a friend as a “thank you” for listening to you? The PDF also includes Roger’s poem for you.

Enjoy!

You are invited to click the buttons below to follow me on Facebook and Instagram for daily posts.

Feliz Día de Amista y Amor! Keys to Unlocking the Door to Intimacy of Friendship

Photo Credit: Dianne Morris Jones

February 2021  

As I was contemplating writing a blog post on intimacy and Valentine’s Day and discussing the ideas with a friend, she told me of the Peruvian tradition of celebrating Feliz Día de Amistad y Amor (Happy Day of Friendship and Love), where the emphasis is as much on love in a friendship way as it is in a romantic way. After hiking Machu Picchu in 2014 with Roger, my husband, and a team with Above and Beyond Cancer, we fell in love with Peru—the culture, the people, and our new friends Carlos and Guido. Thus this February Calendar provided below is inspired by the custom of Feliz Día de Amistad y Amor—we will be focusing on friendship for the month of February!

Perhaps these keys to unlocking the door to the intimacy of friendship will open your heart to the possibility of listening more deeply to your own heart—to trust and honor that deep part within you that desires to know others and to be known.

What are the keys to unlocking the door to intimacy of friendship? What is a deep relationship? How do we get there? How do we handle hurt and betrayal? Why do relationships seem so hard sometimes? Why do we feel alone? What is it about this incredible desire for connection we all feel? How do we begin the conversation? How do we trust? What relationship is calling us to go deeper? What do we need to let go of to have space to invest in relationship? Why does it take so much courage? What does self-compassion have to do with relationships? What is intimacy in friendship? 

The “locked doors” before us can seem endless, but every lock has a key. 

We desire connection. Intimacy is defined as closeness—the kind of closeness that allows and encourages vulnerability. One of my favorite family pictures is a shot taken from the back that depicts my Dad and his two brothers quietly gazing out onto the lake where our family cabin is located. There was not a lot of conversation at the moment—but there is a palpable closeness, an intimacy, of brothers sharing parents, sharing history, sharing lake cabin experiences, sharing a quiet moment together, all of which was captured in the picture. Words are not always necessary for intimacy. 

“Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words but pouring all right out just as they are chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.” - George Eliot

Photo Credit: Dianne Morris Jones

For the month of February, I will be posting daily images on Instagram and Facebook of doors that I photographed while we were in Nepal.  Doors are a contemplative image as we are reflecting together on keys to unlocking the door to intimacy of friendship. In these days of struggle, sometimes we may feel we don’t even have the energy to move toward another. And maybe we haven’t experienced what closeness in a friendship might look like. We need each other now. Someone needs you. You need someone. I need someone. Others need us. We need others. I need others. It is ok for us to not know exactly how to proceed with making friends…especially in the midst of a pandemic. 

Not long ago we moved to Dallas, TX. I can tell you for us the process of making new friends as we transition to a new city has been greatly challenged by the pandemic. How do I move toward someone, when we are supposed to remain apart? What would closeness look like in our current situation? It’s been hard. But we can do hard things. 

I do not know of a more loyal and kind friend—to me and to others—than my husband Roger. In his retirement, Roger has been writing poetry as an expression of his heart, his soul. May you benefit from his beautiful heart through his poetry.

My Friend

 To you, my friend, I owe much gratitude

for your investment in me.

 To you, my friend, I wish well-being and

optimism for hopeful times.

 To you, my friend, let there be warmth,

comfort, and perseverance through those cold, dark times.

 Thank you, my friend, for the times we’ve

had together, for hearing me and believing in me.

 Thank you, my friend, for understanding those times

I seemed distant or too busy.

 Thank you, my friend, for looking for my good side,

and for your endurance when I’ve been out of sort.

  May you sense the pride I feel for

 the honor of our bond.

 May our times ahead, whether plenty or few,

reflect our mutual admiration, and

 May we keep extending arms of 

wide spaces for others.

 Here’s to you, now and evermore, 

my friend.

 -   Roger Jones

Photo of Roger and his friend of 43 years, Steve Esquivel.

I look forward to this journey about friendship with you. You are invited to follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram for daily posts about the Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Friendship. If you are not on social media, you can download a free PDF down below so that you can join in on reflecting daily how you might connect with others. You might consider printing it out and sending it to a friend. Sara, my associate, has created a beautiful work of art with the PDF. Maybe you could print it and mail it to an elderly friend? Maybe you could send it to a friend as a “thank you” for being a treasured friend? The PDF also includes a copy of Roger’s poem about friendship for you. Enjoy!

- Dianne  

You are Invited to Follow my Instagram and Facebook Pages for Daily Posts in February!

Breathing Into and Beginning 2021

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January 2021

I LOVE January.  Not only is January the month I was born, it is a month of beginnings.  I typically don’t start New Year’s resolutions until my birthday on the 18th.  It seems we are usually traveling or still “holidaying” over the new year, which tends to sabotage any success of starting something new.  This past year, of course, has been different, and for us there was no holiday travel.  

So for this year, I am beginning my New Year’s resolutions on January 1st 2021, and I invite you to join me in a focus on breathing.  I will be offering glimpses of beauty each day – daily visuals of living, breathing, growing flowers – as a reminder and as a challenge to slow down and focus on our breath.  

Sharing some of the images that have pulled me and the lens of my camera into their beauty gives me great joy.  I wonder if we could imagine together that I am ringing your virtual doorbell and delivering a bouquet each day?  Some of these images were photographed in the Des Moines Botanical Center, some from Claude Monet’s garden in Giverny, France, some in Costa Rica, some in Nepal, some on a hike in Washington, and some in our back yard.  Each one represents a breathtaking moment for me…a moment to reflect on slowing down, and taking a deep breath. 

One of the premises of Stop Breathe Believe: Mindful Living One Thought at a Time is to practice recognizing our thoughts, tuning into our bodies and breathing, and finally, choosing a healthier, more life-giving thought process.  My hope for each of us in 2021 is that we are paying attention, leaning into our learning, growing in place, and starting a ripple effect of breathing calm into our world.  May the intention of breathing into our communities, our homes, and our relationships begin with our very own hearts.

What we know is that deep, diaphragmatic breathing is healthy for us, physically and emotionally.  In this day of Covid, how wonderful to practice deep breathing!  Could it be that we can exercise our lung muscles by simply breathing in…breathing out…?  Could it be that we can bring greater calm to our anxious hearts simply by breathing in…breathing out…?

Artwork by Allana McNeill

I admit, beginnings are hard.  I am not that great at beginnings.  I like to be really good at things from the beginning.  Roger and I attempted to learn how to play the guitar a few years ago.  Roger is still playing the guitar; I am back to playing the piano.  Enough said.  Roger and I are now beginning in-home tap dancing with our precious granddaughters.  I will keep you posted on how this “beginning” ends.  The reality is, we are all beginners.  Beginning takes courage…but we already have what it takes to begin breathing strong and begin breathing in beauty.

Roger’s poetic take on Sterling’s breathing can be a lesson for us all.

Learning by Roger Jones 

Our dog pounces

onto the couch

circles a turn

curls into a tightknit ball

deeply inhales and

exhales a strong sigh.

I watch her belly

expand,

by-passing the

ineffective shallow

chest-rising breath

they tell us to avoid.

Without a meditation

instructor, it seems

she knows how

to breathe properly.

Next, she slivers

off the couch

front feet extended

rear end towering

above her head,

elegantly stretching,

precisely as the yoga

instructor trains.

Later we head

out for a walk.

I’m paying careful

attention to her.

Wondering…

what else can

she teach me,

here and now.

Let’s practice together.  Let’s practice learning about breathing.  Let’s practice breathing in beauty.  Let’s practice strengthening our lungs.  Let’s practice breathing out.  Let’s practice together.  Let’s stay connected.

Happy New Year to you all,

Dianne

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Let's Get Our "How" Shoes on for the Holidays

One December when I was a little girl in Lubbock, Texas, I put on my Christmas wish list “how shoes.” I took great pride in my spelling ability and was saddened when my sister made fun of me. What I was asking for was “house shoes” (also commonly known as slippers). Spoken in my family’s deep Texas twang, “house shoes” certainly does sounds like “how shoes,” doesn’t it? But I was certain that when Santa was presented with my list, he would know what I meant and get a kick out of it, too! 

 I recalled this “ordinary moment” scenario this past week as I was facilitating a virtual workshop on the “Gifts of Imperfection,” a curriculum based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. With that childhood memory in mind, I challenged the Gifts of Imperfection group to some fabulous homework: purchase your own pair of “how shoes.” Shopping is not usually part of the group homework! But what a fun and adventurous way to remind ourselves to pay attention to some of our everyday, ordinary, get-up-in-the-morning and get-ready practices.

 What does that look like for you? For me, the morning ritual goes like this: feet on the floor, put on my fun, adorable, leopard-with-a-pink-tassel favorite “how shoes,” make a stop by the restroom, gather glasses/phone, let Sterling (our lovely lab) out, brew coffee, let Sterling in, give Sterling a treat, pour cream, pour coffee, and choose a comfy spot for going over the “how” of the day. Then I allow myself time and space for self-care, for meditation and prayer, for reflection.

 Why do “HOW” shoes matter? Because they serve as a daily reminder, first thing in the morning, to be intentional with our focus and our actions for the day.

 I love the ancient Chinese proverb, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I have often referred to some of our more arduous hiking adventures as “heel-toe moments.” When we get to a really difficult section of the trail, the focus is simply, “heel…. toe…. heel…. toe.” One intentional step at a time, we eventually reach the end of the journey.

 Maybe you find yourself in a difficult section of the trail right now. 2020 has been heartbreaking for so many of us in so many ways, involving capital-C Challenge, Change, and Coping. How can we move forward, step by step, in a way that is Congruent with who we are – our most authentic self?

 Each of us has the privilege of choosing our response to all of the C’s this year…. the challenges of Covid-19, coping with complex issues, complicated grief, and controversy, for example. But we can choose to center ourselves with hope and practice self-care day by day, one step at a time.

 For our family, Covid has brought the hardship of being unable to have a funeral for my precious Daddy, who passed away on April 1st. His amazing life deserves honoring and celebrating, and the inability to gather as family makes the pain of loss all the sharper. There have been additional challenges as my Mom resides in an assisted living facility, and we are only able to visit through a window. Obviously, this is not an easy way to grieve the loss of your spouse of almost 63 years and lifelong best friend, and we are grieving alongside her and loving on her as best we can. The inability to travel to California to be with Jill and Brent, our daughter and son-in-law, has been an additional disappointment. Thankfully, our safe family bubble includes Justin and Callie, our son and daughter-in-law, and the grandkids. We have walked along many who are also struggling through this year, just as you probably have as well. 

 2020 has had an impact on many of us in substantial ways. For those whose losses have been significant this year, I see you and feel your pain. It hurts. One thing I have learned through the years it is not helpful to compare suffering. Your hurt matters, your heart matters.

 So, HOW do we be intentional on our focus, our plan, when so many things are uncertain? I love the prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

 HOW can we focus on gratitude during this time? What if we had gratitude on the billboard of our hearts? I love how this image of a billboard in NYC captures the magnitude of gratitude. Write out a gratitude, name a gratitude, and share it with others. Gratitude has proven to be a source of strength and an antidote for anxiety and uncertainty.

What if we took time to look into the eyes of those we love?  HOW could our world open up? HOW could we feel more empathic towards others’ pain and heartache? Could we look in their eyes and share, “You are not alone”? Could it be that if we can have the courage to open up our precious and vulnerable hearts with others, that we might see differently? That we might see the world differently? That we might see each other differently? 

Artwork by Alanna McNeill

During his retirement, Roger has taken up the practice of expressing his strong and beautiful heart by writing poetry.  With his permission, I am sharing one of his poems with you….

Looking In

Your eyes peer into mine

and a mysterious connection occurs,

and I marvel at this wordless expression.

Your gaze captures and holds me,

like a small child’s first discovery of a newfound flower,

or a round and shiny rock.

 Somehow, when I look into you, I see myself.

I begin to sense and feel a kinship of

Love, understanding and empathy.

Sometime, I overlook looking in.

It is my loss.  Our loss.

by Roger Jones, November 2020

May you find time to look in, may you find grace for yourself, may you find time for your heart, and may you find the “HOW” of what works for you during this challenging time, and always.

 During the holiday season, I will be offering a daily encouragement of self-care – An Advent Calendar of Self-Care on my blog http://static.squarespace.com/static/507c8e96e4b0079a65072026/t/547c0d19e4b053a861c9ac1f/1417415993224/Calendar+of+Self+Care_f.pdf , Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DianneMorrisJones , and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/diannemorrisjones/ . My hope is that you will follow along – that you will be inspired to cultivate calm and self-care as you take what you need and leave the rest. I invite you to join me in self-care – not as another “to do,” but as a practice of honoring the beauty and the value of YOU. I’m grateful for each of you. You are not alone.

Seasons, Transitions and What is next

I don’t know about you, but I am already welcoming the season of fall. In rhythm with the season, which could be a time for letting go of something, or a time of looking into what is next, what are you dreaming of and looking ahead to, or what do you want to give birth to next? Maybe for you fall is a time of relishing and cherishing this very moment. Or maybe this season inspires in you a time of reflection, of looking deeper into your heart to see what you might need or what you might want to be nurtured, to be held. Maybe you are looking forward with questions and curiosity.

Roger and I have had a year of beautiful and hard transitions in our family. We moved “home” to Texas and are getting settled into our home in Dallas, TX; we moved away from great and cherished friends in Des Moines; we moved my parents to Dallas to be nearby; we welcomed  Justin and Callie’s second daughter into the family; we are looking forward to Jill and Brent’s wedding in Nepal in March; we have walked a cancer journey with Roger that was very difficult AND has had a positive ending at this point; we are LOVING being grandparents; and with much anticipatory hope, we are looking forward to many meaningful conversations and connections and opportunities ahead! 

In this note, I wanted to share with you the personal things regarding both the delight and difficulty of transitions—of the changing seasons in life, in pieces of life that look quite different than we expected! I am sure there are times you have felt these things as well, and we can share a deep, knowing sigh of community and the common humanity of the challenge of transitional changes. Together we can say, “Yes, I know…it can be hard and beautiful.”

This past holiday season, my daughter, Jill, noticed this stop sign and insisted that I take a photo because of my affinity for stop signs (due to my book, Stop Breathe Believe: Mindful Living One Thought at a Time). As I looked at this artsy stop sign, I would sometimes think the word “enjoy” seemed shallow and frivolous. But as I contemplated sending the pic to you with this invitation, I thought more of the word “enjoy.” After looking up the root word and definition of “enjoy,” I discovered the origin to be “taking in of joy.” I then thought, what better word to put on a stop sign than enjoy? Inviting joy in? THAT is an invitation worth looking into!

On hard days, it may feel more like a Joy Scavenger Hunt. I get that! One of my values is to be intentional about finding and experiencing joy.

When you think of the picture above, what would stopping and enjoying your life look like for you? For me, it is to look intentionally at what is going on within me, to aspire to live life more authentically, to bravely walk through difficult days allowing courage and fear to do their dance...and leaning into courage. What is it for you?  

As you may know, I am ever so grateful for the influence and work of Dr. Brené Brown in my life, personally and professionally. I LOVE being a facilitator and consultant for her work, The Daring Way™, and having the honor of sharing the practices with you! This fall I will be offering several opportunities for you to participate with me in workshops featuring two of the curriculums, Rising Strong™ and The Gifts of Imperfection™.  We would be so honored if you would join us. And, as always, I am a strong advocate of teaming with others and so very excited about opportunities of working with other Daring Way™ facilitators in bringing you these workshops. Hope you can join us for one of these workshops!

What are you stepping into this fall? Need some calm? Time to reflect? Check out our upcoming workshops.

Rising Strong™: The physics of vulnerability is simple: If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. Rising Strong™ is a curriculum about what it takes to get back up, and about how owning our stories of struggle gives us the power to write a daring new ending. Struggle can be our greatest call to courage and the clearest path to a wholehearted life. 

*Pensacola, Florida – Fri, Oct 18th - Sun, Oct 20th Rising Strong™ Workshop with Regan Hager, LMHC. Check out https://risingonthecoast.com to register or for more information.

*Dallas, Texas – Fri, Oct 25th - Sun, Oct 27th Rising Strong™ Workshop with Dr. Sally Falwell, Psy.D. and Dr. Mary Beth Covert, Psy.D. Check out https://rising.legacyacc.com/RSOCTDALLAS to register or for more information.

Gifts of Imperfection™, Letting Go of Who You Think You are Supposed to Be and Embracing Who You Are: Featuring the Guideposts for Wholehearted Living, which are benchmarks for authenticity that can help us establish a practice for a life of deep and honest beauty—a perfectly imperfect life. 

*Dallas, TX – Fri, Nov 1st – Sun, Nov 3rd Embracing Gratitude and The Gifts of Imperfection™ Retreat with Veronica Welch, LMSW. Check out www.diannemorrisjones.com to register or for more information.

As always, I am truly interested in what is new with you! Please shoot me an email and let me know how things are rolling for you. How are you journeying through the transitions you are walking through? What does this next season look like for you?  

May your heart be full of grace and compassion towards yourself and towards others.  

May we—
  Stop – invite these moments of not knowing and uncertainty in
    Breathe – invite a deep breath in and a deep breath out
      Believe – the world is the best and most encouraging place to be
        when we can show up as our most authentic me.
          And Enjoy! 

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Dianne

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Stop.....Breathe.....Believe.....

Check out the beautiful mosaic artwork of Sonja Devaney - I cherish the art and the beauty of her work!

Daring Hearts, Connectedness, Stop Breathe Believe, I’m Fine, Nature and Marbles - A Marble Jar Friend that Sees Me

The books, I’m Fine, a real feelings journal and Stop Breathe Believe, could be pathways to exploring your emotions as you step into fall. I invite you to learn more about these books here.

Book Gathering in New York

Roger and I are excited to be in New York next week.  We are having a book gathering on Saturday, March 4th and would love for those in the New York area to join us. We'll be in the gorgeous library room at Park South Hotel from 9:00-11:00am. Please feel free to share this post and help spread the word about this upcoming gathering.

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Green Light Statement

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One of the green light statements/belief statements from my book Stop Breathe Believe.

December Presence

Winners Announced!

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Thank you to all who entered the Red, Yellow or Green Converse™ Amazon book review giveaway.  We are thrilled to announce the two winners!  Stop Breathe Believe book review:  Carrie and I’m Fine, a real feelings journal review: Jackie.  Carrie and Jackie have been notified via email to get color/size selection and the shoes will soon be on their way to them!  

Thanks to each of you for taking time to write a review.  Your words in the reviews meant more to me than you will ever know!  What an encouragement you are to me!  

If you didn’t get your review in for the shoe giveaway – no worries, your reviews are always welcome – needed AND wanted!  You all are the best readers/supporters – I am so very grateful for each of you!

Dianne

Reflections of Phoenix World Burn Congress 2016

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Words that come to mind:  listening, compassion, radiant, sacred space, sanctuary, hugs, sharing stories, vulnerability, courage, resilient, learning, openness, risk, safety, gratitude, celebration, wholehearted, spiritual, growth, Namaste, love, warmth, heartfelt joy, tears, beauty, depth, struggle, opening, opportunity, embracing heartache, circles of connection, engaged, fear, grace, spurring others on, community, kids, friendship, remembrance, transformative, seeds for growth, hard to go home, survivors, joy, thrivers, sincerity, helping one another, connection, inspirational, hope

To be honest, it is mind boggling to even know where to start in sharing the experience of participating in the Phoenix Society World Burn Congress for the first time. Distilling just a few highlights from our time there has been one of my most difficult writing assignments!

 Phoenix World Burn Congress (Phoenix WBC) is a group committed to building a community to create a healing environment for those who have experienced a burn injury. The community is composed of burn survivors, families, nurses, firefighters, therapists, caregivers, doctors, children, youth and young adults. Add to them the wonderful folks who helped make Congress 2016 happen, including the large team of dedicated volunteers, the skilled AV (audio visual) Seals, the professional huggers, the image enhancement team, the leaders of breakout sessions and support groups, and the wellness team who provided massages and led yoga for participants. They were all astoundingly beautiful.

If you’ve read Stop Breathe Believe, you may recall I shared about the time I was first introduced to Phoenix WBC. I was in Cincinnati, Ohio in 2011 helping our daughter and her boyfriend as they were filming Temple Grandin for their documentary about autism and sensory disorders, Spectrum. We were in the same general area as the WBC convention, and I kept noticing these beautiful people who did not seem ashamed of their scars, some of which were quite significant. And as the weekend went on, I kept noticing the joy these people exuded. It was a remarkable time for me as I was in the process of writing about the concept of perspective—and saw how this group of people exemplified joy through obvious heartache and struggle.

I wrote about this experience in SBB. As I wanted to be sensitive to wording and how I portrayed the people who’d made such an impression on me, I asked Amy Acton, the Executive Director of Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors, if she could get someone to proof what I was writing. Amy apparently liked what she read and asked me to write an article for the Phoenix Burn Society magazine.

Then, as crazy things sometimes happen, two different members of their speaker team contacted me—neither knowing the other was calling. One team member had read the article and the other had heard me present a keynote in Texas. So, I got vetted twice for this engagement! I was so thrilled and grateful to be invited to be one of three keynote speakers for the event.

And I was also challenged. Did I have something to offer? I could, of course, talk about Stop Breathe Believe® and cultivating self- compassion...but I wasn’t a burn survivor. Would they relate to me?

What I’ve learned throughout the years is to be honest and open about my areas of expertise. When my colleague and I work with homeless vets, one of the first things we share is that we are not vets, and we’ve never experienced homelessness…so we’ll need them to teach us about what that’s like, and only then will we teach them what we know. So, in keeping with the idea of “practicing what you preach,” my green statement leading up to the conference was, “They did not ask you to come be a burn survivor, they invited you to share about Stop Breathe Believe and cultivating self-compassion.” I have no idea how many times I repeated that mantra to myself in the months and weeks leading up to the conference. I am also so grateful to Nancy Johnson, PhD, the Patient & Family Support Coordinator at the Burn Treatment Center of the University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics, for inviting me to burn camp over the summer and spending hours with me helping me understand the trauma and experiences of the burn community. Here is a pic of Nancy with the Iowa group at the convention:

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Roger, my husband and #1 encourager, was excited to be joining me for the conference in Providence, Rhode Island. You may recall that West Warwick, RI was the location of the disastrous Station nightclub fire in 2003. The toxic smoke, heat and the stampede of people toward the exits killed 100; 230 were injured and another 132 escaped uninjured. I recall watching the horrific scene on the news.

As we arrived at the hotel, we were greeted by firemen, volunteers and an amazing gentleman named Bruce who welcomed us all. All throughout the conference, I continued to notice Bruce reaching out to others, being kind, and extending grace and hospitality to so many! 

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The first evening was the Walk of Remembrance, recognizing those who have lost their lives in fires.

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The dignity and care with which the walk was carried out was a beautiful honor for those who did not survive. Many held pictures of lost loved ones as they walked up the hill toward the capital, where two firetrucks displayed the American flag. The Walk of Remembrance was a solemn, but significant way to begin the conference.

The first day of the conference, I met Michelle, a new friend at yoga. Here is a pic of us in our “non-yoga” attire.

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Each day of the conference there was a keynote speaker, break-out sessions, support groups, programs designed specifically for the children and youth (age 7-17) and a program for the young adults (age 18-25). One of the most significant events for the adults each day was a session titled “Healing Though Our Stories – Open Mic.” As one who is a total believer of the healing that comes through sharing our stories, I was inspired to listen and get to know the survivors and their stories. The organization is very thoughtful in providing a safe place for people to come and share their stories with one another by emphasizing the roles of confidentiality and privacy. At times, open mic is the first time someone has had the courage to share their burn story. Tears, triumph, fear, courage, listening, loving, Kleenex and learning from one another are facets of the transformative journey and healing concepts of ‘You Are Not Alone’ and ‘Your Story Matters’ that are exemplified in Open Mic.

Roger and I most loved the precious moments of connection with so many. For some, it was brief moments of exchanges and hugs in the elevator. For others, it was significant discussions and understanding of their stories of pain, healing and hope. In yoga at closing, we often say Namaste, meaning the Divine in me honors the Divine in you. The teacher in me honors the teacher in you. The student in me honors the student in you. Roger and I truly learned from each person we got to know in the burn community.

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One of the highlights for me was a deaf interpreter who taught me Stop Breathe Believe in sign language. You can view a quick video of Cheniene and me doing Stop Breathe Believe in sign language. I especially love how at the end of Believe, how you clasp your hands tightly together. What a beautiful picture of how we “hold” those things that are meaningful to us, such as our values and beliefs. What a beautiful picture of how to hold on to our green statements, our believe statements, or “believements.”

In addition to giving the keynote on Friday, I also had the opportunity to share with the youth (age 7-17). Oh my, what an age span for a breakout session! The challenge of being able to engage that group felt more overwhelming than the keynote presentation! I LOVE and ADORE kids of all ages and so wanted the time together to be beneficial. Thankfully, the program provided many trained volunteers and I could rely on their expertise in the discussions around the topics of Stop Breathe Believe and Overwhelmed Pie (which we changed to Overwhelmed Pizza for this audience). Each individual painted their own watercolor stoplights, played Beach Balls with their tables to Justin Timberlake’s song, “Can’t Stop the Feeling,” learned about Daniel Siegel’s hand model of the brain,

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and had a 3-minute meditation of focusing on their breath while piano music played. The group was active and engaged. As a huge believer in getting feedback after presenting, I took it upon myself to ask a few of the youth what they learned, and was relieved and excited for them to share that they HAD learned and experienced something valuable. What a delight to share with the youth! 

I also led a breakout session with adults (ah, back to my comfort zone) in regards to What’s On Your Clothesline, Swirling Funnels and Perspective Glasses—all metaphors from various chapters of Stop Breathe Believe—as an opportunity to go deeper in the concept of re-wiring our thoughts, being aware of our feelings, and how we relate to our experiences with compassion.

The conference also included a talent show and a closing banquet—and then, much to Roger’s liking, a dance. What a joy to see survivors wear sleeveless attire and be open to being real and authentic about their scars, their stories, their courage. Roger and I were both challenged in our thinking so many times during the weekend. The resiliency, the wholeheartedness, the courage, and the perseverance of the survivors was remarkable. What an incredible experience to see the love of others shared so freely with one another. In the entry hall of our home is a framed chalkboard with the words, Love is a Verb.

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At the Phoenix World Burn Congress, ‘Love is a Verb.’

The Phoenix World Burn Congress was founded by Alan Breslau, who was extensively burned in the crash of a commercial airliner in 1963. Following a visit to a young boy in a burn center, Alan realized the importance of peer support for those with burn injuries, and was inspired to establish one of the first burn support organizations in the United States. After many years of working with burn survivors, Alan officially incorporated the Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors in 1977. Here is a pic of us with Alan and his lovely wife, Delwyn.

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If you know of a firefighter, burn survivor, someone who works in a burn unit, or a caregiver, please consider sponsoring them to participate in the Phoenix World Burn Congress next year. You can contact http://phoenix-society.org for more information. What can you do? Donate airline miles? Give a monetary donation? Sponsor someone from your community? Share this blog post so that others can hear about World Burn Congress?  Go for it—you’ve got what it takes to make a difference! 

And guess what? Next year the Phoenix World Burn Congress will be in Dallas, TX (Oct 4-7, 2017). I am sure that Dallas and all of Texas will roll out the barbeque eating, boot scootin’, Texas warm and friendly embrace and welcome to the burn survivor community. Roger and I will be there! 

In working on a short slideshow of my photos from the week, I serendipitously discovered the song, "For Good," from the musical Wicked.  The lyric that spoke to me was, "It well may be - That we will never meet again - In this lifetime - So let me say before we part - So much of me - Is made of what I learned from you - You'll be with me - Like a handprint on my heart."

I loved those words, and the "handprint on my heart" epitomized the experience.  Each of the survivors exemplify such courage, such vulnerability, such strength, such beauty, such authenticity, such resilience - all things that I so respect and admire in others.

Please enjoy watching the slideshow of meaningful moments from the 2016 World Burn Congress.

You Are Not Alone

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"You are not alone" is one of the mantras that I often encourage others to embrace as a "green" statement or "believe" statement.  The value of sharing our own meaningful stories with one another is one of the most powerful ways of connecting and embracing courage to persevere during struggle.

The Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors is a community of burn survivors, their loved ones, health professionals, and firefighters that promotes sharing stories of healing and common experiences with one another.  I am both honored and humbled to be speaking at this year's Phoenix World Burn Congress, being held in Providence, Rhode Island.  Roger and I are grateful to be joining the participants in the workshops for several days and would love for you to join us on the journey as share via social media, facebook, instagram, and twitter.  I would love for you to follow along as I share about our experiences in Rhode Island!

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Would you please take a few minutes to help me?

Happy fall!

As I traveled to a recent speaking engagement, I had a wild and crazy idea.  That wild and crazy idea led me to order three pairs of shoes in Stop Breathe Believe ® signature stoplight colors of red, yellow, and green!  I want to give away two pairs of shoes in the winners' size and color choice (red, yellow, or green)!  You can win!

Here's the deal, I really need to increase the number of Amazon reviews for my two books, Stop Breathe Believe® and I'm Fine, a real feelings journal.  One of my "Green Statements/Believe Statements" is "Asking for help is a strength."  So although it feels vulnerable to ask for your help, the reality is I need your help to make this happen!

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Go to Amazon and leave your review of one or both of my books.  By November 15th, email me at info@diannemorrisjones.com, include the link to your review of Stop Breathe Believe® and/or I'm Fine, a real feelings journal, and you will be entered to win a pair of these fun Converse® shoes in your choice of red, yellow, or green.  The first 50 emails for each book will be entered, so review both books and you have two chances to win!

If you have already reviewed either of my books, you can still enter.  Email me the link to your review!

To recap:

1. Post an Amazon review of Stop Breathe Believe® and/or I'm Fine, a real feelings journal.
2. Email the link of your Amazon review to info@diannemorrisjones.com by November 15.
3. You are now entered to win a pair of Converse® shoes in your choice of red, yellow, or green!  Winners will be notified by email

Thank you for helping me with this and good luck!

- Dianne

Butterflies and Battlefields, Reflections of Civil War Trip – The Us-ness of it All

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What is your passion? Roger, my husband, is a devoted student of the Civil War.  His eyes light up when he shares stories about his readings and discovers friends to engage in animated conversation (as opposed to the “the glaze,” what we jokingly have named the look after about .25 seconds when someone is uninterested in Civil War happenings). So, we choose to bookend a business trip with Civil War adventures, and we are off, off on a trip to the battlefields to learn and explore more.

Some of my friends were quite astonished that I would be interested in joining Roger on this excursion, as they are aware of my indifference to the subject matter. I actually ordered, as a primer for the trip, a historical fiction book, Across Five Aprils, that I remembered loving in the 7 th grade. I hoped to re-kindle a connection to the period, so I could feel more genuine enthusiasm for Roger’s passion.

Roger and I are firm believers in certain activities being “us-ness” events. Terry Hargrave, a marital counselor and amazing author of multiple books, who has counseled us through several different hurdles of life, taught us years ago about “us-ness” times. There will be times that one of us might not be totally interested or invested in a particular topic or event, but participating in the event together can be great for the “us-ness” of our marriage. We have expanded our understanding of one another and our interests by adopting this “us-ness” mindset. For instance, us-ness times might be Roger attending with me an Enneagram workshop, a ballet, a mindfulness class.... Or it might be me going to the Drake relays, reading segments of the Wall Street Journal, following the Olympics closely with Roger. We have learned we not only grow and expand our learning of various facets of life as we explore some of our varying interests together; in addition, the adventure enhances our understanding of one another in a deeper way.

So, this past week I was thrilled to watch Roger become absorbed in one of his passions – the Civil War. He did a fantastic job of planning our trip by incorporating various ways that would peak my interest – a hike up Maryland Heights at Harper’s Ferry where once atop the peak you can look out and see the confluence of the Potomac and Shenandoah rivers,

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tours of re-enactments of artillery and cannons firing versus simply reading about the events on a plaque, and a horseback ride on the actual trails that General Lee led his Confederate troops at Gettysburg.

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As I was observing Roger’s zeal, the whole concept of “passion” struck me. Passion is defined as a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object or concept. Several other passions became very obvious this week – I love it when you begin to look around more diligently through the lens of a phrase or thought, and you find the idea everywhere.

In Washington, DC, I began to reflect on how passions surface in others. Here are some of the glimpses of passion that I saw:

…the National Park Ranger who took time to show us how to best tour a specific part of Harper’s Ferry – even after her shift was apparently over – all because she cared that we know and see and understand history in a deep way.

…the hotel cleaning staff and one particular woman’s passion for cleaning and making the bed “just right.” I watched her take immense pride in her work while I was in the room studying and Roger was off working.

…the work-out instructor at Orange Theory (where we work out, both in Clive and as we travel) who showed us just the right way to do a particular exercise. He gave us nutrition advice every second he could – it was obvious he cared about the health of others in a deep way!

…the enthusiasm and care of a particular waiter at a restaurant whose diligence was exemplary. His interest in our dining decisions and experience seemed to be authentic.

…the detail in which Thomas Jefferson planned his gardens and his flowerbeds at Monticello with such precision. His love of nature and his recording of growth seasons, his analysis of plant progress and demise – all were truly remarkable.

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…the love of the seemingly homeless woman who joined me for conversation one day after lunch. As we shared our stories with one another, I learned of her immense love for her father, age 93. After her mother passed away nine months ago, she chose to move back to DC from several states away – giving up her job security, etc. to care for her father.

…the Civil War tour guides who were incredibly thorough. Many hours of study, reading, preparation and love of the topic led to their exemplary level of presentation.

What does the word “passion” stir up within you? What are you passionate about? How can you deepen or strengthen a passion that may be lying dormant in your heart and may have been for some time?

One of my passions is photography. It seems that I am always looking for a “shot” – getting just the right angle of light on a subject, capturing a picture that stirs an emotion within me, allowing me to slow down and contemplate the deeper story under the narrative of an event – whether for deeper understanding of the other person or as a way to open up and explore my own heart separate from the business or “busyness” of the day.

So, it might not surprise you that, as we were on the battlefield tours, the artistry of the butterflies sometimes caught my attention. Enjoy a few “takes” of one of my passions – actually two passions combined – a love of nature and a love of photography!

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While at Monticello, we discovered one of the sitting places that Thomas Jefferson contemplated.

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I invite you to find your own quiet place and pause with me and reflect on where you see and experience glimpses of passion….

Gratitude

Photo taken near Anchorage, Alaska

Back to School Reflections – What is Your Story?

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August brings ads for back to school shopping, lunch box ideas, the latest styles in school clothes, fall calendar planning, football two-a-days, back to school PTA nights, meet the teacher nights, anxieties, excitement, letting go and new beginnings.

When we reflect back on our school stories from childhood and adolescence, now with the advantage of adult wisdom, what is it we remember?  What are the stories we TOLD ourselves then?  What are the stories we TELL ourselves now?  Are they true?  Are they accurate?

My Back to School Stories
I grew up in Seymour, TX and started first grade at age 6.  (I know, way back then we didn’t even have kindergarten and preschool!)  Julie and Kim and Mitzi were my best friends and playmates.  Of course, my sisters Annette and Melinda were my built-in, 24/7 playmates as well.  I remember the classics of Dick and Jane, learning to do math, my red and blue plastic “rest” mat, and playing Red Rover on the playground.  What do you remember about your beginnings of school?

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After moving to Lubbock, TX, I began 3rd grade at Haynes Elementary.  One of those “school scars” happened to me on the first day of the new school in the new town (can you feel the apprehensions of this little brown-eyed 8-year-old)?  My teacher asked us to write something and turn it in.  Much to my dismay, after lunch the teacher called me up to the front of the room and held my paper up and said that I was trying to show off by writing in cursive.  Apparently in Lubbock, the students didn’t learn to write cursive until the 3rd grade – and my classmates had printed their papers.  Then it got worse!  As punishment, the teacher made me sit by the boys’ bathroom in the barracks classroom for 30 minutes.  I had never been in trouble at school before – I still clearly remember the tears dropping down on my new blue plaid dress.  After that, I tried really hard to keep a low profile and stay out of trouble at school.  

One positive development was making new friends at school and in the new town of Lubbock. New friends Katherine and Brenda, along with my sisters, became my “real, already established, don’t have to prove anything to anyone” friends.  We could play school together and jump on the trampoline and just have fun.

My 4th, 5th and 6th grade years took me to the brand new school of Mae Murfee Elementary.  We had a blast being the first students at the new school, and enjoyed the privilege of getting to pick the school mascot and school colors.  Back then it just seemed fun; now I see that this was a genius idea to give the students a sense of ownership and pride in the school.  

Evans Eagles with the scarlet and gold pride that rang through the halls was my home for Junior High – or middle school as it is now called!  I loved Evans and with football games, pep rallies, student council, choir, and amazing memories with friends, I found junior high a blast.

Not that there weren’t hurdles and growing pains along the way, like losing the Student Council Vice President election to Paul, or wanting to dress like, be like, and act like everyone else. (Or, from the perspective of adult wisdom, eating two chocolate cupcakes and a Dr. Pepper EVERY DAY for lunch!) And then, one spring morning I opened up my locker to find it stuffed with cotton stalks sporting fluffy white cotton bolls. A note that had been shoved among the stalks read, “Dianne, why don’t you try stuffing your bra with some of these?” For a few weeks afterward, I would be walking along during passing period and someone would should out, “Hey, cotton balls!”  I was so humiliated, and cried for days. Those were a hard few weeks! I’m thankful for friends who listened and questioned the intention behind what felt like a really cruel prank to a developing young teen.

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By now, my Lubbock group of friends had expanded and there were seven of us—the Seven Dwarves, as we were often called.  Sharon, Marianne, De, Susan,  Laurie,  Michelle  and I were the gang.  We were excited to be “grown up” and off to high school.  I was the first to get my driver’s license, so each day at lunch we would pile as many as we could fit in my burnt orange Ford Galaxie 500 and rush down 50th Street to McDonald’s or Taco Villa for lots of fun lunch memories and giggles between the girls.  And of course, high school brought more social and emotional challenges, with dating, dances, and increasing leadership roles to navigate.  I was lucky to go to school with a great group of people, and we were convinced that our Monterey Plainsmen Class of ’78 the best class the school had ever produced.  We were “Loud and Proud” and loved supporting our amazing sports teams!  High school was a little mischief and A LOT of fabulous memories.  (How’s that for leaving the “mischief” stories to your imaginations?)

Texas Tech University seemed to be the logical choice for college as I had grown up as an avid Red Raider fan.  I loved learning and the independence of being able to choose classes on my preferred subject matter.  And of course, there was tons of fun to be had in college, with friends from Wall Hall dorm, Kappa “memory making” times with Susan and Cheryl and the pledge class of ’78, more dating, football games, Raider Recruiters, late night studying, and struggling through algebra…. And then, of course, meeting and falling in love with my amazing husband, Roger, which was a great closing chapter to a rewarding college experience.

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My next Back to School Memories came as a Mom!

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I spent so much time hoping and praying that Justin and Jill would get just the “right” teachers and make just the “right” friends. Every year we had a traditional first-day-of-school picture, and there were a few tears shed along the way after dropping them off. Not tears of sadness, but of gratitude and excitement for what the year would hold…and a recognition that each stage was passing more quickly than I would like. These were tears of tenderness and fragility as a Mom.  

All the schools in Amarillo, TX turned out to be fantastic and supportive learning environments for our kids.  We still cherish the friends and social support of neighborhood, church, soccer, Scouts, and volleyball, football and basketball teams.  We “learned” the value of community in the school of parenting.

Then when Jill was in 4th grade and Justin in 6th grade, it was Back to School for me! I decided to re-enter the school world to get my Master’s in Counseling at West Texas A&M.  Guess what?  Even at age 36 I had back to school jitters – and frankly, it was first the “Can I get into a Master’s program?” jitters, and “Can I pass the GRE?” jitters.  I recall Justin, age 12, sitting with me on the den floor and re-teaching me Algebra to prepare for the GRE.  And it must have worked, because I got in.

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Then I discovered that the challenge and the depth of learning that came from the studies in counseling were life-giving to me!  I LOVED it!  It was certainly challenging to juggle active kids’ schedules, family life and the rigor of tests, papers and more papers.  But graduate school was a mountain of learning and labor that led to the work I love – of coming along with others in the journey of hurt, heartache, and steps of healing thorough counseling.  Again, the encouragement and support of friends and family were critical – Roger’s love and support were phenomenal!

In 2000, we moved to West Des Moines, IA, and faced more back to school jitters.  Justin was beginning 9th grade and Jill was beginning 7th grade in new schools, but thankfully Indian Hills, Valley Southwoods and Valley High School proved to be incredible places of growth and learning for both of them.

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As we reflect on Back to School moments, what is it that we can learn as we look at the stories we told ourselves regarding those experiences?  What a privilege to take some time during August and September and reflect on our Life Map of School – our Life Map of Learning.  Grab some old photos, connect with a classmate, thank a teacher, reflect, and ponder.  Maybe your school days were difficult, maybe you moved many times, maybe you experienced some of the learning curves that I did.  What could you learn about your heart if you reflected on your school days?

Pick up a notebook or your laptop and join me in taking a moment to gather perspective.  What did your heart as a little girl or little boy need at those moments?  Who was there for you? What was your favorite subject, and who was your favorite teacher? What did your tender, growing and learning heart need?  What do you discover as you get curious about your school stories?

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

Gifts

photo taken by Dianne Morris Jones, Costa Rica 2016