Could we reframe ritual into a time of sacred stopping…just for now? A moment that invites us to feel more grounded in a time of chaos? An anchor, if you will, to hold us – our heart, our desires, our longings, our dreams? Could it be that the beauty of ritual lies in the intention? Could it be that reframing ritual could highlight the awe and beauty of the moment?

Ritual may be defined as a series of rites, a ceremonial act or action, or an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set, precise manner. Ritual, tradition, habit, or even a routine can all be similar, yet each reflects various threads of differentiation in the tapestry of our lives.

Sometimes when we think of ritual, we might think of something that is rigorous or that has to go on forever. Ugh…that scares me. The idea that I can’t start something because I can’t maintain it is enough to keep me from beginning.

What could a fresh idea of ritual look like? For a Christmas gift, Jill and Brent, our daughter and her husband, gave me a book called Ritual: How Seemingly Senseless Acts Make Life Worth Living by Dimitris Xygalatas. Dimitris, an anthropologist, has studied extreme rituals (think extreme sports), such as walking across hot coals. He has also incorporated neuroscientific research into the process, discovering and documenting the many positive and life-giving attributes of ritual.

According to Xygalatas, “Rituals are highly structured. They require rigidity, repetition and redundancy. Their predictability imposes order on the chaos of everyday life, which provides us with a sense of control over uncontrollable situations.”

What are some rituals that you can think of from your family of origin? Some of mine that relate to celebrations and holidays are birthday parties with one-of-a-kind cakes designed just for me by Mom and going to Lake Kemp for the 4th of July every year as a family.

Photo taken at Lake Kemp, Seymour, Texas.

Some liturgical rituals that have impacted my heart are singing the doxology and reading the Apostolic Creed at First Methodist Church in Lubbock every Sunday. Or the collective effervescence of being with family and holding up our arms in symbolic “Guns Up” Texas Tech Red Raider fashion as we sing the fight song and the Texas Tech Matador enters the football stadium with a rush of excitement – for the crowd and within my heart. The themes of my early-year rituals seem to revolve around family, faith…and football.

What might be a ritual and hold special meaning for one person could be insignificant or just an exercise for another. For some, the ritual of making coffee in the morning is a mindful moment of celebrating the day, noticing the aroma, tasting the flavor of the coffee, and breathing slowly. For others, coffee must happen before any mindful moments can occur!

Roger and I have often tried to replicate our childhood memories and rituals, while also creating ones of our own. Individually, we each have had our own intentional rituals related to spiritual growth, development of friendships, and attempts at creating healthy balance between professional and family aspirations. Together we have tried to create a life of meaning, contributing to the lives of those around us, especially “loving the one in front of us now.” We weren’t really thinking of designing a ritual, or certainly didn’t call it that, but in reality – we were. As Dimitris Xygalatas observes, “Perhaps the most important contribution of ritual is in providing a sense of connection.”

Even what one might collect as a souvenir can be a ritual. I recall that being one of the highlights of vacation as a little girl, the souvenir shopping. What might it be for you? A piece of jewelry, a magnet for the refrigerator, a t-shirt? Roger and I had a goal of visiting each state in the United States together and collected a license plate from each one. It has become a fun conversational piece and a decorative border in our homes. In Des Moines, the collection was located in the basement, and now in Texas, the plates line the top of the garage walls. The value of vacations, the memories, the planning, the imperfect moments along the way, the flat tires, the missed flights – all are part of the bonding that occurs when things go as planned, and especially when they do NOT. A ritual of collecting items is an effort to commemorate the meaningful experiences.

As parents, we tried to create fun themed birthday parties, take meaningful vacations, pick wildflowers, have candlelight dinners throughout the month of December as a family, host friend sleepovers, and have friends sign their name on the rustic attic wall. We would say grace before meals and share about our days at the dinner table. When the kids were younger, we would lie together at night, read a story, and let them talk until they fell asleep. A ritual of attentive listening.

For me, a very important ritual during those busy and fun times of parenting was a 2-hour Sunday afternoon nap. For some reason, that ritual was INTEGRAL to the week! What are your rituals of rest and restoration for your energy and for your soul?

Of course, across every culture and for all of human history, ceremonial rituals mark the significant events in our life. My Dad was an avid reader of National Geographic and I used to love to pore through the pages seeing how different cultures celebrate events. Ceremonies of ritual encompass many significant times – of birth, baby showers, birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs, Quinceañeras, graduations, retirements, funerals. Depending on the ritual and across cultures, the ceremonies often encompass a lot of financial, time, and energy resources. Dimitris Xygalatas states, “Ceremony is a primordial part of human nature, one that helps us connect, find meaning and discover who we are: we are the ritual species.”

Even our dog Sterling has noticed and is now part of our “getting ready for a guest” ritual. Sterling notices by the way that we straighten up the house, turn on the lamps, and light the candles that a guest is coming. She assumes her posture of sitting by the window, and she begins her role of patiently waiting. Of course, she excitedly greets each guest with lots of enthusiastic love upon their arrival.

Ritualization is also a natural way to try to control the world around us. Some research suggests that people turn to ritual when they are stressed to help cope with anxiety. When life seems to get chaotic, a calming ritual can indeed be of help. A ritual can be regulating, especially during times of instability or transition.

Lighting a candle, making a cup of tea, lowering the lights, and creating an atmosphere of calm can be a beautiful transition that can be repeated often. A memory I have as a little girl is of my Grandmother Ninie lighting a candle on top of the wooden dresser in the middle bedroom for someone in the family she was worried about. I asked her about it, and don’t recall her exact words, but it was something to the effect of, “I light the candle as I pray for them, and as I walk by the candle throughout the day it reminds me to pray for them…but the candle, it is for me, it calms my heart.” Isn’t that a beautiful ritual? She combined love and care for others with the calming effect the candle had for her own heart and soul. I have always loved the luminosity of candles – how it can symbolize a touch of calm and peace for our life and for our hearts.

Could we reframe ritual to be a “fancy habit”? Taking time and intention to set the table, light the candles, lower the lights, and romanticize our everyday lives in a meaningful way?

Could utilitarian tasks become meaningful moments? Could housework become caring for our home, and the people within it? Could wrapping a gift for a friend be a moment of gratitude for the friendship? Could planning a fly-fishing trip become the foundational enthusiasm for the expectation of catching the big one?

One beauty of creating a ritual is that it can be simple. A ritual that our granddaughters love is when we go on a hike or trip, we always bring back a souvenir rock for each of them that we have picked up on the trail. We then ceremoniously add it to our collection of rocks in our side yard, known as the “Peaceful Garden.” When we hike together, we are always on the lookout for a special rock to put in our pockets. Rocks as a ritual? Yes!

As we reflect on ritual in our own life, what might we notice? The way we fasten our watch or straighten our tie? The way we hold our hands and say, “Namaste” at the end of yoga? The way we say bye to the grandchildren each time they leave to go home? The way we greet one another? The way we toast a celebratory moment?

How might the idea of ritual invite us to cultivate meaning into some of our ordinary moments?

I invite you to consider the rituals in your life and notice how they give meaning, structure, and flow to our days.

For the month of March, we will be ‘Exploring Rituals – Discovering What Fits Best for You”. Each day I will post on Instagram and Facebook various rituals and images that we might consider. In addition, you can download the PDF below for the daily reflections if you are not on social media. Obviously, the intention is not to suggest that we all begin 30 new rituals this month. Rather, the intention is to offer a sampling of rituals and the invitation is to discover what might be the right fit of a meaningful ritual for you.

Downloadable March PDF - Click Here!

Dianne Morris Jones, LPC, CDWF-C

Dianne Morris Jones, LPC, CDWF-C

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Dianne Morris Jones, LPC, CDWF-C

BEAUTY IN THE BROKENNESS:
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Reframing Ritual – The Awe and Beauty of the Moment