Both/And – Holding Space for Joy and Grief with a Generative Narrative

As we cross the threshold into the month of November, widely known as a time of Thanksgiving and Gratitude, we will be exploring the idea of holding space for joy amidst the pain and hurt of our world. 

Our world sometimes seems to be falling apart, beset by rampant fear, uncertainty, war, and loneliness. We might know the hurt and ache of pain and grief on an individual scale or in a more collective sense. 

The paradox BOTH/AND is a beautiful path…holding space for joy amidst the pain and grief. The contrast, EITHER/OR, can be a short road to nowhere as we examine the contradictions even within ourselves.

photo taken at the peaceful garden, dallas, texas.

Sometimes we can get caught in the idea that we have to be really sad and heartbroken OR thrilled, ecstatic, and joyful. The reality is we can hold space for joy AND grief. 

My husband Roger recently penned this powerful poem about holding the tension between the good and the beautiful with the pain and worry that characterizes our world.

Sometimes brokenness can mean broken open, a painful but life-giving space that can eventually lead back to wholeness. “That brokenness you feel?” said Rev. Dr. Jacqui Lewis. “It, too, is love. Never apologize for caring enough that it leaves you aching, yearning for a better world than this.” 

Krista Tippett, creator and host of the podcast “On Being,” first introduced me to the idea of a “generative narrative,” the concept of desiring to amplify what is good and beautiful without denying what is not. 

Krista offers a generative narrative practice “to set out to become alert and somewhat reverent of what is good and lifegiving in the ordinary encounters of your days: what you read, what you focus on, what you look for and notice in people close to you, and also what you notice in strangers. And let that shape the larger picture of the world that you’re working with.”

We have many narratives, many stories that we tell ourselves. Often the stories are self-critical. We may not have the opportunity to control the circumstances of our lives. We can, however, compose the ending of our stories, as the choice of our narrative is up to each of us. 

For me, one way to shift my narrative and to look at life through a wider lens is to go to nature, reflect on the beauty there, AND pause and go deep within the wholeness nature offers. Taking refuge in nature allows me to begin looking at embracing my brokenness as an integral piece of my journey.

photo taken at marley beach, bermuda.

For the month of November, I invite you to join me in stepping out in nature – a backyard, an apartment deck, a nearby park, a beach. Allow the beauty and the stories that emerge from the cycles of life found in nature – a day, a season, a seed that eventually flowers into fullness – bring our hearts peace and a hope for a new tomorrow. May our pain and our fears find a place of rootedness in the wholeness of life, where they may be transformed. 

I will share images of nature in November as we reflect on how to hold space for a generative narrative that allows room for both our joy and our pain. You may follow me on Facebook or Instagram for daily encouragement and reflective questions. If you are not on social media, you may click on the button below and find the photography and the reflections through a downloadable PDF.